This summer, I spent a month doing ministry all over California. During my time there I was invited to tape a couple of shows at TBN and was honored to do so. For this particular interview, the conversation focused on the (still controversial) idea of being a single woman in public ministry, submission & covering.

Last Night

Last night…

I played with a beautiful, four year old girl in the South Bronx. When her mother became pregnant at 17, everyone told her to abort. Except me. The due date was at the end of May but I maintained that she would be born on my birthday, May 2, as a sign from God that He was smiling. She was. On May 2, 2006, God smiled.

Last night…

I sat in a South Bronx apartment with a disheartened 22 year old mother that just failed the test you take to get into the pre-GED classes. Her math skills tested at the 3^rd grade level. In high school, the only equations she was working out related to adding up how many friends had now been killed on the block or subtracting the number of days  she heard from either of her parents from the number or dollars she had to divide between herself & her little brother.  Needless to say, she never did like math. I know this because I began mentoring her when she was 12. Every week a handful of girls and boys just like her would come to that apartment as I opened up the Word of God and taught them about the Father they never knew. She, of course, is the mother of a 4 year old girl born on May 2^nd, whose eyes reflect the smile of God

Last night…

I stood on a corner in the South Bronx with a 23 year old young man that I’ve known since he was 12. I remember when his entire upper body was burned but he couldn’t go to a hospital. I remember how he cried and told me of his mother’s death and the father he never knew. I remember how scared he was when the grandmother that singlehandedly took care of him and his four cousins, was diagnosed with cancer. I remember how all of the children in that house called him “daddy” because none of them knew their own. I’ll never forget the day I discovered they were all living on rice.  No one was surprised when he began taking and selling drugs or when his anger became explosive. Last night, he asked me to take a walk with him and in between pulls off his joint, he expressed to me that I was the only person in his life that he’d ever been able to talk to. He asked me, “Have you ever asked God why…why he made you drawn to me like, why he wanted you to love me out of all the kids in this hood?”  I don’t have time to tell you my answer. But he, of course, is the father of a 4 year old girl born on May 2^nd, whose eyes reflect the smile of God

Last night…

I left the South Bronx and walked the streets of a neighborhood where I used to minister to homeless teenagers, many of whom were prostituting to survive. I watched as a grey-haired man decided which young boy he wanted to pick up. I stared into the darkened eyes of a boy who hoped I might be there for “business”.  I was somehow able to fight back the tears, and for this reason, I am deeply grieved.

Last night…

I needed desperately to be close to Jesus, so I went searching in the one place I’ve always been able to find Him: among the least of these. I began the day feeling deeply alone but, by 1 a.m. I felt the heart of God racing wildly within me as His tears became mine. There are a lot of things and people in this life that I have lost; that’s life. The one thing I cannot afford to ever let go of is God’s heart. Some would say that I am crazy and continually put myself in danger; I suppose I can’t contest. It’s just that, to me, there is a greater danger that I fear. I would rather lose my life than to lose His heart

Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake (Full Version)

Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake

I posted the first half of this sermon a while back on Vimeo and after all y’all sending hate mail about how you want to hear the end…I finally figure out how to make the full sermon available for you to download, for free!

You should be able to click on the link and save it to your desktop or Itunes etc. So, click away….I pray God speaks to you loud and clear.

Let me know if you have trouble downloading

From The Potter’s House of Dallas

THE BIOGRAPHY OF A BUSH

Take a walk down the corridors of any church, any denomination, any city; pick one and I can tell you right now what you will find. On every pew, in every back office, in every corner of that sanctuary you will discover men and women who privately and even publicly are consumed with a desire to be seen, to be known, to be remembered. They may be young or old, black or white, rich or poor; but they are tied together by a single aching aspiration, an insatiable thirst for greatness. 

Now, take a walk through the hallways of your own heart. For just one moment, consider the last funeral you attended and tell me “True or false?”   As you sat grieving, you simply could not impede the wandering of your imagination.  At least for one moment you envisioned your own funeral, imagining who would show up to honor your life, how much of a hole would be left in your absence and most of all you considered what would be said of your life and impact on the world you left behind.

This search for significance is not altogether problematic but it certainly may be a cause for concern these days. If as followers of Christ we are inwardly driven by a desire to be celebrated then ultimately, what is it that separates us from every Beyonce/Michael Jackson/Brad Pitt “wannabe”? In some cases, the only differentiating factor is that your stage rests before an altar.

In the scriptures, we read of a great man of God named Moses. His story is remarkable and there’s no question that he will be forever remembered.  But, I challenge you to take a deeper look and ponder this one thing.  As Moses stood at the foot of a burning bush, we see God rip the covers off of His motivation. He says to Moses, “…the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. SO now, go. I am sending you”. You see, while Moses ended up famous, the intent of God’s heart was not really to make Moses great but rather to rescue a people that were without help. I know this is some real upside down thinking but please understand that God isn’t looking to make another man famous; He is at all times simply seeking to deliver and redeem.

You may have lived with a desire to be as “great” as the likes of Moses but I believe that the eyes of the Lord are searching for some young men and women who would rather live out a story that reads much like the biography of a burning bush. A bush that was probably passed by a thousand times, unacknowledged and uncelebrated until this crucial moment when the presence of God needed a place to reside. An entire nation hung in the balance and all God needed was a place to speak; a place where He would be at liberty to burn away every hindrance, every branch of self, a vessel that had no voice of its own so that only His would be heard. This bush had no name and no voice but it will be remembered always for as it burned, God spoke.

As in the days of Moses, the ear of the Lord is turned to the cries of a generation that is without help and He is still desperately looking for a place to speak. May we be a people that are consumed with a burning desire to be as this bush; perhaps overlooked by the world but set on fire by the Spirit of the Living God.  For as we burn, His voice again shall be heard.

“I Am a Tree”

This is my response to the recent and very public “moral failings” of many Christian leaders/artists…some of whom I know and love very dearly. We are one body, HIS body…with wounded hands. My hearts cry, “Lord, heal your hands” (Under the musical direction of James Gabriel)

Holy Misfit

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM FOR THIS EVENING

Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake

Earlier this year, I had the honor of standing before one of the greatest churches in the world, Christ Tabernacle. Since I moved back to NYC two and a half years ago, Christ Tabernacle and its leadership have served as both my covering and my second family. Although God has graciously opened up doors for me to minister all over this great country, it is very rare that I accept an invitation that takes me away from here on a Friday night because that is when ”The Aftershock” takes place. (Cryptic, I know…you’ll have to find out for yourself! www.youthexplosion.com)

So, one Friday night I had the fearful task of speaking to hundreds of students about what love really is and how it looks according to the scripture and not the culture. Interestingly enough, on my way to the church I was in a minor car accident. After debating with the police and paramedics I opted not to take the ambulance ride to the hospital but instead rush myself to the church. Of course, God showed up, did what he does and I was ever so grateful. After speaking that night I was headed to a late night gig in Jersey when I got a call from Senior Pastor Durso asking if I would share this message with the entire church the next week. Reluctantly, I agreed. When the day came, I felt fully prepared until just moments before the service when I got a phone call I’d always dreaded. Very shaken, my father explained to me that my mother had been rushed to the hospital and there was no way of knowing what to expect but the situation was not good. I’ve always been the strong one in my family but I’ll confess I fell apart. Although I was absolutely broken, something on the inside of me knew I had to pull together the pieces and stand before the people even in my pain. I heard the Lord saying “Tonight I’m trusting you with my people and I need you to trust me with yours”. This was not a test I wanted to end up retaking and so I did what I pray I always do; I said yes.  

Perhaps it’s a coincidence that both times I was to deliver this I was faced with a crisis but more likely, the messenger wasn’t really the target at all but rather the message on the inside of her. Maybe, just maybe, there is some supernatural power that is unlocked when the face of love is unveiled…maybe this power is what the enemy fears most.

The accident didn’t leave a scratch on me. My mother was released from the hospital a day later and is healthy today. And beyond that, I had the chance to prove to the Lord that not only do I trust Him but also that He can trust me.  Every place that my words failed, He truly made up the difference and His Word did what it was sent to do in the hearts of the people. I hope as you listen that once again, He makes up the difference…

http://vimeo.com/7289352

*This is only a snippet. The entire message is available as a free podcast…simply go to www.christtabernacle.org , click on the podcast icon in the upper right-hand corner and select “Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake”

 

New Video “Where The Wild Things Are”

A few weeks ago I was at The Potter’s House in Dallas with my team from Youth Explosion Ministries and ended up shooting this video. The production is out of this world thanks to Drew Castillo who is also the Youth Pastor there. It was kind of surreal for me filming on the same set  as TD Jakes who I have been so greatly impacted by. As we were shooting, I kind of flashed back to my years as a teenager and remembered  how every Sunday afternoon at 3:00 I would rush home and lock myself in my room to watch Bishop Jakes. And now, all these years later, here I was… standing in his studio. If you would have asked me at age 16 if I’d ever be in that position I probably would have said, “Yes”. I sensed at a very young age that God was going to do something grand with my life. But, if you would have asked me a few years later, maybe in my early twenties, after I’d had some time to mess it all up…I would have said, “not a chance”. 

At some point in time I silently decided that I had changed God’s mind about me and simultaneously sabotaged His plan. I saw Him up in heaven, ripping out the pages and starting over in pencil. I think I’m finally starting to understand that my story was actually written backwards.  Beginning with the end in mind, He chose my calling after reading every single chapter, every single line. He started with my past, worked His way to my mother’s womb and there spoke destiny into every fiber of my being. Who He calls, He equips. Perhaps my unspoken regrets and tears are my equipment.

My feet have been planted upon a platform higher than I’m comfortable with.  After all, I’ve always been afraid of heights (even though my father insisted that fear wouldn’t be tolerated in his house) My prayer  from the pit of my soul is this, however high you place my feet may my knees and face be always parallel.

Hello, world

So, yesterday I came across a poem that I began writing probably a year and a half ago and just never quite finished. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I fall into that same pattern quite often; not only in writing but also in life. I have ideas of things I’d like to do and others that I don’t particularly desire to do but know in my heart I should be doing and yet have never gained the courage or motivation to follow through. For years I’ve put off the idea of starting a blog for several reasons but, deep down I know that it’s time. So, here I am. What this will look like, I really can’t predict…you know, my mind is a crazy place to be. Trust me on that. There are a few things that I can promise though. I will likely break every rule ever written about writing because the secret to my success is that I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m ok with that. If you’re here, you probably know that I travel the country performing “Spoken Word” but there is far more to this poet than similes and metaphors so for better or for worse, expect to be surprised.

My heart and mind are wired very uniquely, as are yours. I’m finally coming to understand that this doesn’t necessarily make me crazy, although one could argue, but it certainly puts me in a position to connect with some people that perhaps no one else could. I’m not extraordinarily brilliant and contrary to popular belief, I am not at all famous. When it comes to life, I certainly haven’t figured out the math. I simply have an angle. Perhaps life is not as simple of an equation as we’ve been taught anyway.

Well, the poem is now written as is my first blog. Check two off my long list of things to finish. Completion feels good. ..almost like I was made for it. Maybe you should join me.

“ALWAYS”

Lord, it has always, always been you

 Gentle hands embracing my face full of tears

Pouring your peace into a heart haunted by fear

 It has always been you

 Making sense out of the words that just…won’t… come

You understand me

And while there’s things you seek to change

You’ve still embraced me

Introverted, silent, sinful, prideful and even defiant

Your love has been quiet and violent all at the same time

 Lord, it has always been you

 Fighting for me like a prize

Then freeing me like the wind

You’ve been my warrior, friend

Defender of my dreams

When I couldn’t even see you

 It has always been you

 Patiently waiting

When you should have gone, staying 

And when I ask what you think of me

My idiosyncrasies

Seem to be

The least of your concerns

You encourage me

To take courage in me

In being me

You’ve believed in me

And the worst of my hurts

Are part of what you’ve seen in me

As beautiful

 It has always been you

 Sharing the highest and lowest moments of my life

The daily grind

Knowing the ‘why’ behind

Every smile, every laugh, every cry

They all matter to you

That’s what you whisper on lonely nights

That’s how I get through… lonely nights

 It has always been you

 I’m so inspired by the power of your love

Your life in me

I’m amazed at the way

You keep changing me

Yet always stay the same

You see

You’re the most consistent thing

I’ve ever known

That’s why I hold onto you for dare life

Cuz the thought of you letting go

Is like being caught in a storm and losing light

I’d be lost without you

Searching, struggling

Stranded, alone

Were it not for your covenant

To never abandon your own

 Lord, it has always been you

 Calling, pursuing

Making me yours

Till that’s all that I am

Lord, yours is all that I am

 The definition of a man.

You’ve demanded

My attention

By making your intentions known

Openly

Publicly

Endlessly

Loving me

Touching me

Teaching me

Trusting me

Holding not hiding me

Constantly claiming me

Seeing and keeping me

Your eyes are stayed on me

Not once neglected

You’ve invested things

My mind has yet to perceive

 Lord, it has always been you

  Faithful, faithful, you’ve been so very. very, faithful

Grateful, grateful, I’m so very, very grateful

 Fact is,

I can’t imagine awaking to this world apart from you

Can’t wait till the day I’m not far from you

And with my heart in view

You look at me and say

That I…look like you

 And these days,

In the face of the inconsistencies

Of those who claim to be into me

Or kin to me

I’m simply enamored by your commitment to intimacy

In love with the way you keep lifting me

From affinity… to infinity

And it’s the craziest thing to me

 How you are perpetually flexible

Stretched in every direction yet never pulled apart

At every moment there is nothing more close to me and still nothing quite so far

For you fill all of time and space with the span of your arms

The same sacred arms that were stretched across a cross

Giving absolutely all while incurring absolutely zero loss

For you are the unchangeable, unchallengeable, immovable, immutable God

Not just some fable or age old story

Categorically more than a metaphor or allegory

More like an opus

And every note denotes that hope has

Been seized, redeemed from the very jaw of the locust

And all I know is

The same God of st…st….stuttering Moses

Has chosen to take some thorns with the roses

With your bare hand you hold me, unafraid

For your flesh cannot be severed, ever again

So you hold me, hold me tight

Declare your beauty overshadows every thorn of my life

You are too strong for me to harm

Too brilliant for me to hide

So here I am empty handed but in your hand I am alive

And what will forever surpass the grasp of my mind

Is that at every winding turn of my life

I have always been yours

But beyond that, you

Have simultaneously been mine

Source of every good thing I hold inside

It has always been

It will always be

You